You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
