I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
