how hairy? two words: wookie tits
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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