Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I faked an abortion last night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
