I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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