so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
false alarm, still single
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