only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
