apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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