Soap is not a condiment
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
