dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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