Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
