new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
