So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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