Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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