you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
