Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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