Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
