Taylor Swift is so right about you.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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