i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
