I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize