Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
