i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
