im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
