just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
