I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is Oprah even human
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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