I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
