John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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