You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
