College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
