Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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