i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
