Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
