You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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