I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
