The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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