did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
