she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
