Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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