Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
