I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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