i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
