btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
