What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
