sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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