so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
