I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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