I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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