I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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