Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
