lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
