yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize