I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
