just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
