I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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