drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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