Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
