I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
