peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
