once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
