you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
