I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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