I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
