I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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