Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
