The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
