is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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