I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
