called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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