I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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