please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You smell like stripper and shame
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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