Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
