My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
