O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
