you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
