it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish i was in the wii world.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
