imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
