I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
