you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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