On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
