and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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