So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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