look no pants
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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