about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
