so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just gift wrapped bread.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
