I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
