I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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