you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
