Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
