This is not my ceiling
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
