That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
