Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
