I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
