if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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