Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
