so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
