if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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