so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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