Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
