Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
