It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
