I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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