You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
