I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
