You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
