i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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