I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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