Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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